I’ve been with my fiancé for 4 years, and not less than a year into our relationship I started getting asked, “when are you having kids?” My answer? “I don’t want kids.” Their response? “Haha, I’m sure you’ll change your mind, you’re still young!”
I’ve just turned 28 years old and my biological clock is ticking. I don’t give a damn. I still have no intention of ever having kids, while my fiancé is MORE than fine with that (it was a subject discussed early on in our relationship that neither of us wanted children), it seems to gobsmack everyone else in our lives… and some that aren’t even in our lives.
I don’t want children simply for the reason the I am content with my lover and my life. While some see a child as a “bonding pratice” I see a child as a nuissance and something that would get in the way of us spending valuable time together. The two of us get limited hours in a day as it is running several businesses, where the hell would a child fit in that?
Don’t get me started on the number it would do on my body which I spend countless hours in the gym on weekly!
So where is this leading? Why I don’t want children and why people can’t accept it.
Let’s start with the term Maternal Instincts.
Maternal Instincts: noun: the natural tendency that a mother has to behave or react in a particular way around her child or children.
My fiancé’s niece comes around and I cringe. I don’t know how to hold a child or make it laugh… nor do I have the desire to learn this. I see a baby cry and I see it as an annoyance. I would be a terrible mother. But moving on, the actual term “maternal instinct” implies that it would be innate. If motherhood was truly an instinct and everyone was intended to be a mother, all women would be born with motherly instincts. Post-partum depression would not exist, because a mother would know that their child is suffering from the separation of its
mother. Abortion would not be natural, and teen mothers wouldn’t throw their babies in trash cans. Instead, they would innately love their children and accept their role. But alas, that’s not how it is, and these things do happen, and it is heartbreaking. [As much as I don’t care for children myself, it hurts me to see how many get brought into the world and have horrible lives (or in the case of abortion—no life at all), just because their mommies and daddies were too irresponsible to use a proper method of birth control. If you don’t want kids, don’t have them, simple as that in this day and age.]
Next up: Why can’t people accept that I don’t want children despite telling them all of this?
Because it’s built into society’s minds that you must procreate. On school, television, media, even board games (the game of LIFE), it’s always thrown in your face and naturally accepted that you should have children. There’s even an ad running on YouTube lately that says “There’s no better way than to show your love for your partner than the gift of children.” No one thinks any different, and when someone does think different and throws the average human mind for a loop.
One of the lines that really irks me when I retort of “Why do you want kids?” is when I get the answer back, “I need to someone to carry on my legacy!” Ok… what the hell? What legacy are we talking about here? The legacy of spending 8 years in college and settling for working minimum wage? Nice one, buddy, your future child will love taking that to show and tell.
I think the world has a very bad problem with accepting women who chose not to procreate. I find this very strange that it’s still so harshly shoved down your face with the women’s movements and women’s rights being so strong these days. In my experience and research, a doctor will actually argue with you if you have not had at least 1 child when you ask for an IUD or longer acting birth control method such as ESSURE. This, in my opinion, could be a massive leader to many unplanned pregnancies and abortions. While IUD insertions can be more painful for a women who has not given birth, surely if a doctor explains the risks, if a woman is willing, it’s a lot less painful than bringing an unwanted life into the world.
If you don’t want children, stick to your guns. Don’t let family or anyone else pressure you into it. Remember, it’s going to be you and your hubby doing rounds and changing diapers at 3a.m, not them. On the other hand, if you’re expecting or have children, my hands out to you—I hope you are a great parent!